Where is here?

It has been more than a few months since I last blogged. I guess I tend to want to write when I'm not quite sure which end is up. This year has been filled with really high highs and really trifling lows lol. Professionally, I soared finally taking steps toward a solo-exhibition of my own work by launching a kickstarter campaign and garnering the support of my network in a major way. I also went back to what i know best; grinding. Spending quite a few months working two "traditional" jobs, working on my art and More Black Art, inc. in the meantime and in between time- I love being busy. Somewhere in that fold, I went back to church as my spiritual foundation and sense of self were shaken a bit by a precarious end to a complicated relationship.


And Now, as the holidays approach and my baptism has passed, I find myself more confused than ever. My financial situation is a bit trying but how can one complain when all of your bills are miraculously paid? That's called faith working. My work situation has slowed down, so I've noticed that my social life is nonexistent. I don't quite know if that is a good thing or bad thing. I have made so many promises to myself...not to settle for less than I deserve, not to compromise who I am,  to love unconditionally and unashamedly when I find someone who loves and respects me. A nonexistent social life puts clear parameters on my ability to find that mate but also prevents falling into the trappings of anything that falls short of what I have outlined for myself- a catch 22.


I spent the weekend with my favorite person, my best friend; A man. He respects me, loves me, and takes care of me the way only a GOOD brotha could. I came home to a barrage of questions, statements, and side-eyes from my girlfriends; all of whom believe that there is more to this story than i am willing to share. There isn't! He makes me feel safe and we argue about how I fuss and fight when he offers to do things for me- because I am an independent type. Now I may not know which end is up in my finances or romantic life but I know a good a friend is hard to find- so I'm keeping him!

I don't know where here is but I am open to seeing where walking in faith, new declarations, good friends (at least one) and persistent work toward my professional goals will take me...

"You know what ah taking taxi, where yuh does catch taxi 'round here, matter of fact, where here is?"- Sprangalang, Bring Drinks (Soca Parang)

Shut the F up!

I watched Martin Scorcese's Public Speaking with Fran Liebowitz with my roommates the other day and fell in love with her cynicism. Perhaps she appealed to my own inner cynical Suzie. I cheered when she unapologetically scowled that this- my generation is too confident, too self- assured, self aggrandizing in the belief  that their voices need to be heard and everything they say validated...


"No! Shut up," she says "You are not the greatest [...] Your every thought does not need to be heard" 


On some level, I may have internalized this thought some time ago. I have not been published in years and striking a balance between writing and art has been arduous at best. I fear I am losing my perspective which brings me to another poignant Liebowitz statement,


"There are two types of writers, those who mature into better writers and those who get worse..."
I often wonder from which of these cloths I am cut...