I cannot be sure if it is the economy, unemployment, my age, the fact that a majority of my friend's are glass half empty kind of people or some strange configuration of them all ...
But as I approach age 24 in a few short weeks- wow probably more like two short weeks now; I have found myself party to a plethora of "sad saturday," "debbie downer," "woe is me" conversations. And I cannot tell a lie, I have been an active participant. Educated, talented, and ambitious, I, like so many of my friends am feeling a bit dejected and disenfranchised with my current situation...
For some of my friends, its a lack of professional satisfaction, for others personal, for many some unholy mixture of both...
For me, its an interesting dichotomy; experiencing an overwhelmingly euphoric sense of satisfaction- witnessing the realization of one of my most prized, privately held, professional aspirations in the formation of More Black Art about More Black ish.. however, simultaneously feeling like somewhat of a failure. Applying and applying for part time jobs to supplement my income and allow me the financial wherewithal to continue my work with MBA , finding nothing day in and day out despite an innate understanding and knowledge that I am far over qualified for a vast majority of said positions...
Ping ponging between understanding that life is an amusement park of sorts, my own personal disneyland- If I can dream it, I can achieve it and the nagging feeling that adulthood is a SET UP infact the biggest crock ever marketed and successfully sold. A wolf ticket sold to children so that they don't give up and opt to stop trying at ten- which I might've done if anyone told me that it was going to be marred by incessant bills, tolerating annoying people and suppressing your visceral urge to whisper, mouth, scream, yell, or gesture "F*ck you" to them the way you would've behind adults backs when you were ten...atleast that's the way we did it in Brooklyn.
In talking to a good friend of mine, wading through similar frustrations she said "My brother used to tell me when you go into middle school it will be better...you'll see and then when you get into high school things will be better...i promise you'll see and then college and then after college you'll see" And now we are a little ways out of college and feeling DUPED!
Stop lying people...I don't know if we do it for our own sanity...convincing ourselves that things are better than they once were or perhaps to protect the young from the sober reality that adulthood kind of sucks outside of the potentially good sex and good booze- if you drink, but we need to stop lying.
Maybe children will be sickenly happier when they are adults if we don't sell them some unrealistic candyland version of the future awaiting them. If we tell them of the annoying people and the recurring bills and give them the opportunity to prove us wrong- to avoid the monotony of adulthood's annoyances instead of getting bogged down in it. Long enough even to discover that life is their own personal disneyland...
And perhaps grow into a generation of well adjusted, less entitled mid 20 somethings.
As for me, I'll be reminding myself that I am living my dream, if only in part and singing
"When you feel really low
Yeah, there’s a great truth you should know
When you’re young, gifted and black
Your soul’s intact" -Nina Simone
