At 11:50pm on December 31st 2008, I started a conversation with God that I thought ended at midnight on January 1st 2009.
I asked for the strength to treat myself better and by extension those around me. I promised to work toward being healthier; mentally, physically, and spiritually, to have more fun in my life, to allow myself to be human and make mistakes without having regrets.
I must admit that the first few days were easy, I was strong willed and confident in my ability to follow through. However, as the weeks have gone on, I see my conviction wavering. And experience just how easy it is to slip into the habit of beating up on myself when things don't work out exactly the way that I planned. Sometimes that little voice inside of you can truly betray you-subconsciously internalizing all of the negative things around you and whispering all of the things that you thought, knew, were absolutely convinced that- you were too strong and too smart to think of yourself.
I realized today that I can't do this cold turkey and don't have to- this is a conversation, a prayer that I must have with God everyday.
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