I'm almost hesitant to write it down for fear that documenting the moment will perhaps encapsulate the feeling only briefly and like sitting up after hanging one's head backward over the side of the bed-all the blood will come rushing back to the assigned regions and the euphoria will slip away! Just that fast!
The job offers, the progress, the strength and ability to speak freely regardless of the consequences. The inherit understanding that I alone define not only others interaction with but perceptions of me. In the simplest ways- by setting boundaries, most politely in both professional and personal relationships...that realization took me 24 1/2 years to put into practice and it felt damn good...POWER.
So much of my time is normally spent analyzing and over analyzing my encounters with other people. A misunderstanding with a supervisor, an argument with my mother, an annoying text from an ex,present, or future lover...yet everyday that I wake up i say a prayer "God i give over all of my burden to you" and here I'd been usurping his power and our agreement by going through this ritual of handing him my burden everyday and then sneaking back and pulling little pieces of it out to labor over in the confines of my own mind.
Lately, I've been far too busy to mull over every incomplete thought, misunderstanding, vile attempt at a transference of negative energy into my upbeat spirit! I'm too freaking fly!
So, I've given myself a pass and I'm letting God do his do, while I do me! Saying what I mean or meant to say and letting it drop...letting negativity fall on deaf ears and teaching other people how to treat me . As it is, the mere act of subsistence, of existence, begs understanding...so understand this...I am, and will only be me!!!!!!!!
