Where is here?

It has been more than a few months since I last blogged. I guess I tend to want to write when I'm not quite sure which end is up. This year has been filled with really high highs and really trifling lows lol. Professionally, I soared finally taking steps toward a solo-exhibition of my own work by launching a kickstarter campaign and garnering the support of my network in a major way. I also went back to what i know best; grinding. Spending quite a few months working two "traditional" jobs, working on my art and More Black Art, inc. in the meantime and in between time- I love being busy. Somewhere in that fold, I went back to church as my spiritual foundation and sense of self were shaken a bit by a precarious end to a complicated relationship.


And Now, as the holidays approach and my baptism has passed, I find myself more confused than ever. My financial situation is a bit trying but how can one complain when all of your bills are miraculously paid? That's called faith working. My work situation has slowed down, so I've noticed that my social life is nonexistent. I don't quite know if that is a good thing or bad thing. I have made so many promises to myself...not to settle for less than I deserve, not to compromise who I am,  to love unconditionally and unashamedly when I find someone who loves and respects me. A nonexistent social life puts clear parameters on my ability to find that mate but also prevents falling into the trappings of anything that falls short of what I have outlined for myself- a catch 22.


I spent the weekend with my favorite person, my best friend; A man. He respects me, loves me, and takes care of me the way only a GOOD brotha could. I came home to a barrage of questions, statements, and side-eyes from my girlfriends; all of whom believe that there is more to this story than i am willing to share. There isn't! He makes me feel safe and we argue about how I fuss and fight when he offers to do things for me- because I am an independent type. Now I may not know which end is up in my finances or romantic life but I know a good a friend is hard to find- so I'm keeping him!

I don't know where here is but I am open to seeing where walking in faith, new declarations, good friends (at least one) and persistent work toward my professional goals will take me...

"You know what ah taking taxi, where yuh does catch taxi 'round here, matter of fact, where here is?"- Sprangalang, Bring Drinks (Soca Parang)

Shut the F up!

I watched Martin Scorcese's Public Speaking with Fran Liebowitz with my roommates the other day and fell in love with her cynicism. Perhaps she appealed to my own inner cynical Suzie. I cheered when she unapologetically scowled that this- my generation is too confident, too self- assured, self aggrandizing in the belief  that their voices need to be heard and everything they say validated...


"No! Shut up," she says "You are not the greatest [...] Your every thought does not need to be heard" 


On some level, I may have internalized this thought some time ago. I have not been published in years and striking a balance between writing and art has been arduous at best. I fear I am losing my perspective which brings me to another poignant Liebowitz statement,


"There are two types of writers, those who mature into better writers and those who get worse..."
I often wonder from which of these cloths I am cut...

BedStuy FLY & Chicago Bound!

This is the newest addition to my BROOKLYNchicks series for the mamltdart Brand tee-shirt line- Bedstuy FLY! Working in what used to be "Bedstuy Do or Die" and is slowly turning into "Bedstuy- Please let me find a place there before I die," I am inspired and astonished by the style of the women in this area. I am even thinking of doing small framed prints of this illustration. Limited Edition only of course- mAm "LTD" aRt (lol)!

In fact I am actually considering printing a few of my illustrations to be sold along side of my tees at an eclectic shop called Julian|Marc in Chicago Illinois! I am so excited to have lined up the first shop to carry the mamltdart brand! 2010 is beginning with a bang.

I hope to have the line in at least 5 shops across the country by March! I've got so many new designs and even old designs that I haven't had printed yet. Day before yesterday I got in a shipment of Seduction tees that I'll be packaging to send to Chicago in the next few days. I am soooo excited the possibilities are endless and i'm just getting started.

If you are interested in becoming a mAmLtDaRt retailer or just want to add a hot shirt to your collection contact me @ mamltdartconsulting@gmail.com or buy online at http://www.etsy.com/shop/mAmLtDaRt.

FML

I am NEVER one to say FUCK MY LIFE but if ever there was day when I was feeling that very statement it would definitely be today...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You look tired!!!!!!!

Today I ran into an old acquaintance, after a long conversation about our successes, failures, and stresses-she turned to me in agreement as I said "I am tired" and uttered " you look tired"...thats how I feel right now... Tired and stressed and embarrassed that its written all over my face!...everyday isn't a good one, I guess!

Giving yourself a pass

Life has been going so well lately...

I'm almost hesitant to write it down for fear that documenting the moment will perhaps encapsulate the feeling only briefly and like sitting up after hanging one's head backward over the side of the bed-all the blood will come rushing back to the assigned regions and the euphoria will slip away! Just that fast!

The job offers, the progress, the strength and ability to speak freely regardless of the consequences. The inherit understanding that I alone define not only others interaction with but perceptions of me. In the simplest ways- by setting boundaries, most politely in both professional and personal relationships...that realization took me 24 1/2 years to put into practice and it felt damn good...POWER.

So much of my time is normally spent analyzing and over analyzing my encounters with other people. A misunderstanding with a supervisor, an argument with my mother, an annoying text from an ex,present, or future lover...yet everyday that I wake up i say a prayer "God i give over all of my burden to you" and here I'd been usurping his power and our agreement by going through this ritual of handing him my burden everyday and then sneaking back and pulling little pieces of it out to labor over in the confines of my own mind.

Lately, I've been far too busy to mull over every incomplete thought, misunderstanding, vile attempt at a transference of negative energy into my upbeat spirit! I'm too freaking fly!

So, I've given myself a pass and I'm letting God do his do, while I do me! Saying what I mean or meant to say and letting it drop...letting negativity fall on deaf ears and teaching other people how to treat me . As it is, the mere act of subsistence, of existence, begs understanding...so understand this...I am, and will only be me!!!!!!!!

Handle with Care

"Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there'll be no remnants no trace
No residual feelings within ya
One day you won't remember me.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love ya
I hope you feel the same.

Oh, you played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription
Found the remedy
I had to set you free.

Away from me
To see clearly
The way that love can be when you are not with me
I had to leave
I had to live
I had to lead
I had to live......."- Maxwell pretty wings

Dear baby,

Being with you was the most beautiful pain I've ever felt. I knew it wouldn't last, it would've killed me if it did but i've never loved more passionately. You will always have a piece of my heart.

Part of me will always yearn for your touch, think of your smile, pray for your success. I hope the woman/women in your life realize that they are nurturing my love when they are loving you...I want to put a sign on you that says handle with care.

love always,